just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
