I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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