Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
