i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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