We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
