So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
