420 ftw
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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