Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize