Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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