I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
