Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
