I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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