I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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