Can i not drive my cunt home
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
