dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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