we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
