it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
