there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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