Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
