I heard we made out
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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