my vag is so smooth its legendary
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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