You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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