also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
