i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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