She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize