i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
