Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
