Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
