Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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