u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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