You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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