If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
