News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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