Need sex. Gaining weight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i out mim tonsoeep
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