K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
