He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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