Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
