just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
