Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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