3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a search helicopter?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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