are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
