I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
