chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
