i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
