I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
