You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
