My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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