the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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