I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
