I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize