My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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