i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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