Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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