he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
