she looked like the before picture.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
