Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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