my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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