Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
