I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
