please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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