Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
