I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
