I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
