Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We won't sleep together?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
