Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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