Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
