My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
