walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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