I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
