i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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