Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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