Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
