I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
