It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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