Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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