i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
