it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
