Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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