they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
