My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
