This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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